Through the direction of synchronicity, I have been finding more jewels under the rocks. It's harmonious, it's tranquil, and above all, it brings light into my life. I wish that everyone in my family, and all of my friends (old and new) could find their own harmony. I can only point to the things that help me, and encourage you to try them.
A recent trip up to my house in Southern Humboldt, and a visit with my in-laws always brings harmony to me. I love the fact that they include me and accept me, even though I am just an "in-law". Just saying that brings out disharmony in me, why? Because the culture I was raised in by my mother, and most likely by my grand-mother, was that "in-laws" are people to be tolerated, not loved. It was them versus us (a terrible way to look at life, don't you agree?) As a supporting spouse we hear the stories of "their" parents and how "they" treated them as a child. I never had that with my in-laws. They were always there, supporting, loving, and inclusive. Clara, who transitioned before Larry, was always that way. Tomorrow would have been her birthday. Happy Birthday, Clara, your husband Ray, your daughters, your grand-children, and great grand-children, are doing well here on earth. I know you are snickering and laughing up there with Larry about the whole display here on earth.
Our inner child remembers those embarrassing and troublesome moments that happened to us as children. We feel shamed by our parents (or siblings) with their reactions. We also become shamed by guilt when we avert the truth from them. I can only say, that I know this because I have experienced it. It takes time and focus to try to release your "inner-child". To let go of those memories of hurt, challenge, frustration, and the contempt of those who we believe have hurt us. It is relief when you let it go. It is family. Family respects and nurtures each other. If you remove yourself from the environment, it can get very lonely. If you plan your life so completely by removing your family, it, too, can get pretty lonely. You get resentful. Balance is necessary in work, family, sleep, and fun.
As time goes by for me, my maturity in the "knowing" of this and the ability to accept it is freeing. If only I could have had those heart to hearts with my mother. I did near the end of her life, and she knew I loved her, but I know that during my life here on earth, there was always some resistance with my mother. Was it the culture? Partly. Was it personality? Probably. But was it her lack of mothering, I would say it definitely was not. She cared for me and loved me just as much as she did my siblings. She took care of us, protected us, and supported us in our up-bringing. She knew instinctively on how to raise us, and she was terribly proud that I developed the skills of being a mother, and was pleased that my life was so much better than hers. I know this, because she told me so. That's why I'm dedicating this to my mother. Her birthday would be June 25th. Happy birthday Mom, you were awesome!
I hope that my children understand this revelation from me. We can only share what was given to us, and by recognizing the limits of the gifts from our parents, and expand those qualities with our children, their lives will be better. I think that's why grandparents want to completely immerse themselves with their grand-children. We can skip that generation and go to the source of joy, that of our grandchildren.
I find myself more in tune with nature, and love being around children with their giggling and their curiosity. That's what life is all about. It's not about carrying grudges of others, it's not about removing people from your life, and it's not about judgment. It's about how you want to live your life.
I love it that I can focus on the positive. It doesn't take much. I have to nurture myself, before I can nurture others. When I do that, my perspective and attitude lifts. I can't grieve anymore, because I know that's not what I need to do, it's creating the environment of respect for all people, their journey, and the memories that have come from behind us. The good, not the bad.