As I say farewell to this year, the quiet of writing can only be enhanced by my reflections of chance. Chance just happens. When you see it, grab it and hold onto it. Take the step. A lot happened to me this year, all of it was supposed to happen.
Have you ever thought that you were standing still in one place, but didn't know what the future was going to bring? That was me, back in April. My life was pleasant (and still is). My house and life was orderly. Perhaps the "ordinary" just wasn't pleasing me anymore.
What was ordinary? I have the best friends in the Contra Costa area. I helped co-found a writer's group, with 12 sassy ladies. My friend Joan Silva helped encourage my writing, as our weekly writing dates helped keep us on the straight and narrow focus of writing. My friend Debi Miles helped me joined me in a spiritual path (along with being her date at music gigs, dancing to the sounds of rock and roll, and wine tasting). We would go to a weekly meditation group. My walks in nature near the reservoir were superb. Living close to my "old" life with Larry with my new age partner, Chris - just one city away. This kept memories of careers, child-rearing, and political participation in my recent past, a comfort zone of the known. Some shifting in my priorities was rumbling a vibration through me. That was the ordinary..
The questions continued to ramble in my head. My old renters from my house in Humboldt County were moving out...do I take my house back? Do I sell my home in Antioch and make a nice profit? Do I move back up to Humboldt County? All of these questions a preponderance of my dilemma. My children and grand-children lived in the Sacramento area. A one-hour and forty minute drive stopped me from seeing them regularly. Family dynamics, doubts and fears still wandered into my thinking patterns. The unfinished guilt of a grown-up mother dealing with grown-up children. Sort of missing out on her grand-mother title. I saw this as an empty hole in my life.
After temporarily renting my home in Humboldt to a couple between houses, In August, I went to watch my young grand-daughters play soccer, all of that changed. My youngest grand-daughter, Clara...tired and hot from her game, decided to sit on my lap. My sun glasses, on, the shade from my chair umbrella, very likely was the enticement she needed to do that. She looked into my glasses, seeing her reflection of herself. She stares. I realize she is probably staring at herself...but then I say to her "Are you looking into my eyes, or are you looking at yourself?" She smiles back at me, unblinking and says... "I love you." I melt. That vibration inside me became intense.
Later, at lunch, my son, daughter-in-law, and grand-daughters are sitting, waiting for our order. I ask my son, impulsively..."Remember that old rule you set a long time ago, where I couldn't live in the same zip-code as you? Is that rule still in force?"
I notice his wife looks at him inquisitively. He smiles with a big grin and says to me "it depends if you are right across the street, or not." Then he gives me the phone-number of his Realtor.
It seemed that the heavens opened up in my "standing in one place" description. After Labor day, I put my house in Antioch on the market. It sold in one day. I drove up to the El Dorado Hills area near my son's home. I review five homes, and put an offer on one...all in the same day. The offer was accepted with some counter-offers. Everything was moving fast. So fast, that in 28 days, I found myself and my partner Chris in a hotel room for 8 days waiting for escrow to complete on the purchase of the house I found in Cameron Park. The selling of the house and finding another was precise, intentional and happened without any turmoil. The FUNDING of the house was another story, all-together. The credit bureaus had killed me off, and my late husband Larry was still alive in the credit history, despite my efforts to remove him six years ago after his death. There is nothing you can do except WAIT when credit bureaus do that that you. It's an exceptional part of the human experience. It takes patience and a whole lot of faith that it will work out. I have since learned that this happens to about 10,000 widows/widowers each year. The emotions that this does on a widow/widower are profoundly nasty. There were days that I felt that I had lost my husband all over again. The letter writing to the bureaus to drop him again from my report we heart-wrenching.
The doubt of making such a move was harrowing. Not having a home, feeling temporarily homeless, and the doubt that the banks would even approve me for this house was undeniably stressful. But when it all came together, I can only say that my practice of meditation, and the study that we have no control of what happens, plus the faith I have in sending positive energies of "intentions", that it will ALWAYS workout for me was my saving grace.
As I reflect on what has happened in my last four months, I can only say, that it was in the stars. It was part of my journey. It was supposed to happen. There is a vibrational countenance that makes these things happen. The momentum of a child saying "I Love You" couldn't have stopped me from this significant change in my life.
I love my new home. The backyard is stunning and has views. The neighbors are welcoming and have introduced themselves to us. My children and grand-daughters were here for a traditional "Anzini Crab-Louie Christmas Eve". Yesterday, on Christmas Day, our neighbors across the street invited us into their home for Christmas dinner with their grown children and grand-children.
I love my life. I am blessed and grateful for what I have. All it takes is to say the words "I Love You"...and you can move mountains, or someone will move mountains for you. Happy Holidays and have a wonderful and prosperous New Year!
Namaste, Lori
Have you ever thought that you were standing still in one place, but didn't know what the future was going to bring? That was me, back in April. My life was pleasant (and still is). My house and life was orderly. Perhaps the "ordinary" just wasn't pleasing me anymore.
What was ordinary? I have the best friends in the Contra Costa area. I helped co-found a writer's group, with 12 sassy ladies. My friend Joan Silva helped encourage my writing, as our weekly writing dates helped keep us on the straight and narrow focus of writing. My friend Debi Miles helped me joined me in a spiritual path (along with being her date at music gigs, dancing to the sounds of rock and roll, and wine tasting). We would go to a weekly meditation group. My walks in nature near the reservoir were superb. Living close to my "old" life with Larry with my new age partner, Chris - just one city away. This kept memories of careers, child-rearing, and political participation in my recent past, a comfort zone of the known. Some shifting in my priorities was rumbling a vibration through me. That was the ordinary..
The questions continued to ramble in my head. My old renters from my house in Humboldt County were moving out...do I take my house back? Do I sell my home in Antioch and make a nice profit? Do I move back up to Humboldt County? All of these questions a preponderance of my dilemma. My children and grand-children lived in the Sacramento area. A one-hour and forty minute drive stopped me from seeing them regularly. Family dynamics, doubts and fears still wandered into my thinking patterns. The unfinished guilt of a grown-up mother dealing with grown-up children. Sort of missing out on her grand-mother title. I saw this as an empty hole in my life.
After temporarily renting my home in Humboldt to a couple between houses, In August, I went to watch my young grand-daughters play soccer, all of that changed. My youngest grand-daughter, Clara...tired and hot from her game, decided to sit on my lap. My sun glasses, on, the shade from my chair umbrella, very likely was the enticement she needed to do that. She looked into my glasses, seeing her reflection of herself. She stares. I realize she is probably staring at herself...but then I say to her "Are you looking into my eyes, or are you looking at yourself?" She smiles back at me, unblinking and says... "I love you." I melt. That vibration inside me became intense.
Later, at lunch, my son, daughter-in-law, and grand-daughters are sitting, waiting for our order. I ask my son, impulsively..."Remember that old rule you set a long time ago, where I couldn't live in the same zip-code as you? Is that rule still in force?"
I notice his wife looks at him inquisitively. He smiles with a big grin and says to me "it depends if you are right across the street, or not." Then he gives me the phone-number of his Realtor.
It seemed that the heavens opened up in my "standing in one place" description. After Labor day, I put my house in Antioch on the market. It sold in one day. I drove up to the El Dorado Hills area near my son's home. I review five homes, and put an offer on one...all in the same day. The offer was accepted with some counter-offers. Everything was moving fast. So fast, that in 28 days, I found myself and my partner Chris in a hotel room for 8 days waiting for escrow to complete on the purchase of the house I found in Cameron Park. The selling of the house and finding another was precise, intentional and happened without any turmoil. The FUNDING of the house was another story, all-together. The credit bureaus had killed me off, and my late husband Larry was still alive in the credit history, despite my efforts to remove him six years ago after his death. There is nothing you can do except WAIT when credit bureaus do that that you. It's an exceptional part of the human experience. It takes patience and a whole lot of faith that it will work out. I have since learned that this happens to about 10,000 widows/widowers each year. The emotions that this does on a widow/widower are profoundly nasty. There were days that I felt that I had lost my husband all over again. The letter writing to the bureaus to drop him again from my report we heart-wrenching.
The doubt of making such a move was harrowing. Not having a home, feeling temporarily homeless, and the doubt that the banks would even approve me for this house was undeniably stressful. But when it all came together, I can only say that my practice of meditation, and the study that we have no control of what happens, plus the faith I have in sending positive energies of "intentions", that it will ALWAYS workout for me was my saving grace.
As I reflect on what has happened in my last four months, I can only say, that it was in the stars. It was part of my journey. It was supposed to happen. There is a vibrational countenance that makes these things happen. The momentum of a child saying "I Love You" couldn't have stopped me from this significant change in my life.
I love my new home. The backyard is stunning and has views. The neighbors are welcoming and have introduced themselves to us. My children and grand-daughters were here for a traditional "Anzini Crab-Louie Christmas Eve". Yesterday, on Christmas Day, our neighbors across the street invited us into their home for Christmas dinner with their grown children and grand-children.
I love my life. I am blessed and grateful for what I have. All it takes is to say the words "I Love You"...and you can move mountains, or someone will move mountains for you. Happy Holidays and have a wonderful and prosperous New Year!
Namaste, Lori
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